Saturday, December 24, 2005


Hmm...I'll make this short coz talking about this is depressing in itself. Well, I've been suffering from bouts of depression every few months. Usually, it's tolerable, but sometimes, it comes with anxiety attacks, which makes it somewhat hard to shake off. I had one of those two days ago and went to see a doctor. I was diagnosed with clinical depression (low serotonin levels) and prescribed some Diazepam (Valium). It comes in yellow 5 mg tablets and I was told to take two while talking to the doctor. It did help heaps with the anxiety, and I found that if I think happy thoughts, it helps with the depression too. However, I was hit by some wild ass mood swings when it started to wear off, so I'm not going to take it again. Also, I admit I have an addictive personality so I'll rather stay off benzodiazepines. I haven't taken it since then, I'll rather tough out my depressive episodes instead of relying on pharmaceuticals. Oh well, look on the bright side. At least I have the option of not taking anything and still not kill myself. Some people do not have that luxury and need to take benzos or else they'll become suicidal. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts myself though, and in one major depressive episode, I nearly did it. But I found out that running as fast and as hard as you can until you collapse from exhaustion is a good way to get your mind off things. That and praying. If you still feel suicidal after that, sing (scream) as loud as you can to drown out those thoughts and go somewhere where there are people around. I know that the sheer desperation that occurs during depressive episodes is pretty bad, but I've survived so far. =D Anyway, regarding yesterday's post, I was wondering whether moving to another halls will help. Change of surroundings, you know. We'll see. I'll have to put a happier post on top of this so I don't have to see it when I load my page.
P/S - If you know me in real life, I don't want to talk about this because it makes me depressed. Thanks.


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